First day of work with depression and anxiety is like I don’t want to wake up because it is pointless and I am worthless and everything is useless OMG THEY ARE GOING TO FIND OUT I SUCK AND FIRE ME OMG I NEED TO BE AS GOOD AS MY BOSS BY ONE HOUR all these is pointless why do I even try I just want to go home and sleep forever
“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you’re 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.”—Anne Lamott (via nonelikejesus)
If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.
Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.
So because of Facebook’s Graph Search, I am busy deleting and untagging stuff from 2009… And I came across the day I became Facebook friends with the first boy who stole my heart. I waited about 7 years for him before realising we are never going to happen, and the latter part of those 3 years deliberately avoiding him because I felt I was too fat and not good enough.
Ah young love… But looking at his photos, he still makes my heart skip a bit…
I am not going back to 2008 again. *quickly closes that window*
“Our lack of intimacy with God causes a void that we try to fill with the frailest of substitutes - like wealth or pleasure, like fame or respect, like people, like marriage. At times we all overvalue our own pursuits, while ignoring the desires of God and others. But we can’t cure our narcissism by trying to ignore ourselves. The solution is to stare at God. When we actually stare at Him, everything else fades to it’s proper place.”—Francis Chan, You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity (via nonelikejesus)
If the struggles of work, school or just life in general is too overwhelming. If it makes you feel like it is constantly pressing down on your chest. If you cannot see or even hope for a happy day beyond it. If you just feel so empty and unfeeling and emotionally unavailable. If you are too tired to go on…
Promise me you won’t end your life. There are many ways out. Promise me you will fight on for yourself and be selfish. I have been there.
I have been so depressed at work that I have thought of killing myself. I felt so helpless, yet responsible to the project I was working on, that I felt death was the only way to break free.
But I am introspective and my constant need to think up Plan Bs came through in my lowest moment.
"Promise me that you will just quit your job if you ever feel that you cannot take it anymore."
"Promise me that if you cannot find a job, you will sell your crafts and the only two dishes you can cook."
"Promise me if that fails too, you will just run away to another country."
I don’t really have the best contingency plans. But one thing I’ve learnt is that when you take yourself out of that toxic situation, you can see things more clearly. Of course, not every issue is that easy to resolve. I thank God for leading friends who tell me what I needed into my life. And I pray that whatever your circumstances, God will lead you and give you strength, even if He feels like the furthest thing away.
The next time one of the homeless asks you for a dollar and you have that internal thought that, ‘Of course I can’t give them money; they’ll use it towards alcohol or drugs.’ Give them the money.
Give them the money to show yourself Jesus rather than to show them. While it’s true that they might take the money you’ve given them towards destructive ends, the beauty of that exchange is that it shows us ourselves.
God loves giving you gifts. He loves when you are pleased with them, and it hurts Him when you don’t use them well. But even when you take His gifts and you make of them golden idols to worship, He continues to give them to you because He believes in you and He believes you have the capacity to accept them well. He believes it strongly enough to trust you with His possessions, and so to should we believe in each other to trust people with what is ours even if they might use it towards harm.
So the next time someone asks if you can spare a dollar, realize that God is inviting you to see Him more clearly by seeing yourself in that person.
“I am cruel, I am apathetic, I am broken, and I am always falling short; this is why I must point everyone I know to Christ, He is consistent in a world full of inconsistencies, He is faithful when all the world is unfaithful, and He is good when goodness cannot be found.”—T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)
It is my last week at work and one thing I learnt on the job is to never stay in a place or relationship where you feel worthless. Regardless if it is your boss telling you that or your own interpretation of others’ reactions.
I was being overloaded at work and my colleagues didn’t want to find out about my struggles because they didn’t want to have to do it. And because they didn’t know what I faced, they assumed I was doing fine and often asked me to do more work.
I was always the last one to leave, pulling 12 to 13-hour shifts daily. Each day wondering if I was just slow and incompetent.
I voiced out several times to my boss that I needed help. Unfortunately help only came temporarily, and I was left on my own again.
It took a crisis at work to make me see things clearly. An important document was missing and I needed it to arrange with Finance for a bill payment. I could have just paid the bill and not care about the document. But I felt that I should get things done properly even if it is not my responsibility. I felt like I had to keep chasing for things to be done. And then it just hit me.. If I stayed, this is what I was going to be doing all the time.
I will be fixing others’ messes. I will be made to do more work and feel like I wasn’t contributing enough.
I was starting to feel like I wasn’t good enough and no-one else would want me.
I did my work appraisal and I realised that I did a whole damn lot more than many of my colleagues. And when I was leaving, I was touched to know that others’ outside my department recognise my hard work.
Well, enough is enough. There is a lot more to it, and I just want to forget the bad moments and move on.
But I will always remember that I am enough and to never let anyone make me feel like I am inadequate.
Waking up everyone in the room except the alarm-setter himself? :P
If you are feeling too lazy to rise and turn off the alarm yourself, grab your phone and make a call to his phone and once it rings, disconnect it. Depending upon the phone guilty of the nuisance, it will go into ‘Snooze’ or even ‘Dismiss’ mode. Older phones like Samsung Guru or Metro or Nokia 1100 are resilient, and will continue beeping after the call, but I have achieved quite a degree of success with Android phones!
explaining anxiety is the fucking worst because you feel like an idiot for being bothered by the things that bother you but it’s such an intense fear right at your core so you have to go through all of these other levels of yourself to try and get someone else to understand it
im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh
I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.