It is my last week at work and one thing I learnt on the job is to never stay in a place or relationship where you feel worthless. Regardless if it is your boss telling you that or your own interpretation of others’ reactions.
I was being overloaded at work and my colleagues didn’t want to find out about my struggles because they didn’t want to have to do it. And because they didn’t know what I faced, they assumed I was doing fine and often asked me to do more work.
I was always the last one to leave, pulling 12 to 13-hour shifts daily. Each day wondering if I was just slow and incompetent.
I voiced out several times to my boss that I needed help. Unfortunately help only came temporarily, and I was left on my own again.
It took a crisis at work to make me see things clearly. An important document was missing and I needed it to arrange with Finance for a bill payment. I could have just paid the bill and not care about the document. But I felt that I should get things done properly even if it is not my responsibility. I felt like I had to keep chasing for things to be done. And then it just hit me.. If I stayed, this is what I was going to be doing all the time.
I will be fixing others’ messes. I will be made to do more work and feel like I wasn’t contributing enough.
I was starting to feel like I wasn’t good enough and no-one else would want me.
I did my work appraisal and I realised that I did a whole damn lot more than many of my colleagues. And when I was leaving, I was touched to know that others’ outside my department recognise my hard work.
Well, enough is enough. There is a lot more to it, and I just want to forget the bad moments and move on.
But I will always remember that I am enough and to never let anyone make me feel like I am inadequate.
Waking up everyone in the room except the alarm-setter himself? :P
If you are feeling too lazy to rise and turn off the alarm yourself, grab your phone and make a call to his phone and once it rings, disconnect it. Depending upon the phone guilty of the nuisance, it will go into ‘Snooze’ or even ‘Dismiss’ mode. Older phones like Samsung Guru or Metro or Nokia 1100 are resilient, and will continue beeping after the call, but I have achieved quite a degree of success with Android phones!
explaining anxiety is the fucking worst because you feel like an idiot for being bothered by the things that bother you but it’s such an intense fear right at your core so you have to go through all of these other levels of yourself to try and get someone else to understand it
im a bad person who thinks bad thoughts like ‘ew what is that girl wearing’ and then remember that im supposed to be positive about all things and then think ‘no she can wear what she wants, fuck what other people say damn girl u look fabulous’ and im just a teeny bit hypocritical tbh
I was always taught by my mother, That the first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. What you think next defines who you are.
“There’s a small part of me that is completely terrified of romantic commitment. I think that’s because I’m terrified if being so open with one person. Like what happens if that person wakes up one day and decides that he doesn’t love me any more or that spending time with me was a waste. I’m not sure if I could handle that.”—(via becomingroni)
“Get into the habit of dealing with God about everything. Unless you learn to open the door of your life completely and let God in from your first waking moment of each new day, you will be working on the wrong level throughout the day. But if you will swing the door of your life fully open and ‘pray to your Father who is in the secret place,’ every public thing in your life will be marked with the lasting imprint of the presence of God.”—Oswald Chambers // My Utmost for His Highest. (via tblaberge)
Nothing feels quite right, does it? I haven’t felt like this in a while, and it hurts to think. When did this fog set in? Where did my lighthouse go? What happened to the things I once was so sure of? It feels hollow, and I’m scared that it won’t go back, that I’ll drift for awhile and not ever have anything to return to.
Oh, but I see now, I must look up and see the beauty of that northern star; the silence of it will not tell me where to go, but the fact that it is where it is, will guide me home.
Do we not all have a northern star? Do we not all have Christ?
Who He is, and where He is, is the sign for where we must go; that is hope in the darkness, in the confusion of it all. Christ standing with arms out stretched, showing us our way home, showing us our way to Him.
When I was 17 my appendix ruptured because I thought I was just having period cramps and didn’t go to the hospital so don’t tell me PMS symptoms are no big deal
this actually happened to me during my math final and i didn’t think anything of it and when i was later admitted to the hospital my math prof was asking me ‘you didn’t have to take the final! why didn’t you tell me it hurt?!?!’ and i told him i’ve had cramps worse.
he gave me 100
This is actually an extremely common occurrence simply because in sex ed they don’t teach you how to tell the difference between menstrual cramps and other more serious pains. The way to tell the difference between cramps and appendicitis is that while menstrual cramps are generalized toward the middle of the stomach below the belly button, pain from a swollen or burst appendix will start in the middle of the stomach and relocate to only the lower right side, even lower than menstrual cramps, and is a very localized pain. It also comes on extremely suddenly and will worsen over time or when you make a sudden movement, like a cough or a sneeze.
Basically, if you’re feeling any sort of pain, even if it’s menstrual cramps, don’t hesitate to tell the school nurse or a parent, or if you’re out of school and home even make a doctor’s appointment. Chances are if your cramps are that bad there’s something they can do to improve that as well.
I am boosting the shit out of that reply, because I am twenty-fucking-five years old and did not know how to tell the two pains apart
So I tendered my resignation on Tuesday. It was probably the craziest thing I’d done lately, because I will be leaving without having another job offer.
Friends have done this before me, and I have told them how brave they were and how I didn’t think I could do the same. You need an equal amount of foolishness and courage to do that.
And yet, months on, I found myself in my boss’ office with a letter. It sounded crazy. I sounded crazy. Practical Nat just quitting, because she is burnt out and wants to find herself? And yet, it felt right.
I had been anxiously waiting for job offers. I have been so hung up on wanting to leave that I forgot to trust God.
Not trusting myself to have faith and wait, I decided to just jump into the ocean where I have no choice but to trust God to keep me buoyant.
Call me crazy. Call me foolish. But sometimes I just need a shove.
Whether I’ll be in between jobs or have found another place of employment, I will have to leave that to God.