If only I could just plop down and sleep for 24 hours. >3<
Occasionally someone will take me out to lunch and really take an interest in the drama that I’m going through. They nod, listen, show support, encourage, and even pray.
But then I never hear from them again.
That’s when I realize —
1) They were just curious about the latest…
I wonder if I would ever be happy.
Not like fireworks, ‘oh happy day’ happy.
But the quiet joy of a bonfire.
Holding a cup of hot chocolate,
Cool winter’s breeze enveloping,
In my favourite ‘jammies,
content with all there is.
I’ve always believed that we are all born with a purpose, with a destiny. But what if we are meant to make our own destiny?
I used to think that people who think lowly of themselves or that people don’t like them have low self esteem or self worth issues.
After spending time with a friend like that, I realised what she had was an inflated sense of identity. So when people did not love her or fawn over her as usual, she took it as rejection.
One lesson that she had to learn late in her life that is not everyone will love you or think you are all that.
She says she knows, but I don’t think she really does. It is never an easy lesson.
If I die today, I am probably going to hell. That bleak thought ran through my mind daily for most of April.
For someone who started this tumblr to share about God, I have gone a 180 degree turn and am an unchurched doubter.
I am scared to pick up my Bible because I don’t want to find out everything is all a lie.
If religion is opium for the masses, this cold turkey is really awful.
I want to go back to how it was, but I can never do so. Neither do I know how.