“The night sky is beautiful, Daddy. Good job.” I look at the dark blue sky scattered with clouds.
“You’re beautiful.”
“No, not like the night sky.” It was gorgeously breathtaking, definitely not the same level of beauty.
“You are beautiful, just like the night sky, just like the trees and river you love.” The voice was insistent.
“No, I’m not. I’m not beautiful like nature.” This seems mental.
“You are. I made you beautiful. I made you in My image.”
“I know, but,” I step in front of a reflective surface, “look at me. I’m not flawless.”
“I didn’t make you flawless, I made you beautiful.”
“I guess I have to believe that. But it is hard when I look in the mirror. I don’t see beauty. I see a girl with a hundred things going wrong for her. So much Photoshop cannot even salvage.” I stare at my reflection with much hatred and disappointment.
And God pressed on, ”When you are weak, then you are strong. When you are ugly, then you are beautiful. It is not who you are in the natural, but who you are in Christ.
“Even so, I do not judge beauty as the world judges. Would the beauty queens of yesteryear be deemed fat by Hollywood today? The world’s definition of beauty is fickle. I see beauty through eternal eyes. What I declare good is good, and so, what I declare beautiful is beautiful. It is a lie that you are worthless and ugly.
“My precious daughter, you were bought with a price, you were lovingly made. You were intentionally made. How can that be of no value? Haute couture in your world is worth thousands, what more haute couture by Me?
“It won’t be an easy journey. The battle is there to remind you of what you are not. You don’t win a battle by focusing on what you lack. You win the battle by focusing on Me and My finished work. Everyday, you choose to believe that you are special, worthy, priceless and beautiful. It is time you give weight to My words and what I think of you.
“I say, you are beautiful.”
You know the kind of friends that hardly speak to you, but monitor your life closely on social media? It irks me. I hate how so-called friends hardly reply to texts, emails or messages. The only time they talk to me is when they have a problem. Other times it is as if I never existed. I know you are busy, but I am busy too.
Anyway, I just don’t want to strive anymore. Friendships are a blessing. Yes, they are meant to be nurtured, but not to the extent where it is causing me anguish. I’ve tried talking to them and telling them. I’ve tried my best.

The thing is - I want to be pursued. I’m not talking like in romantic relationships. I want to be pursued in friendship.
And just thinking about that, I was reminded of something. God wants to be pursued too. My desire also stems from His desire to be pursued by me.
He wants me to get to know Him more, because He is multi-faceted. There is so much to Him that He wants to share with me and bless me. He wants me to share His joy and to share my joy.
He wants to listen to my random “oh, what a pretty flower”. He wants me to tell Him, “hey, I saw a shop selling strawberry icecream and it reminded me of you”. He wants to celebrate my good days with me. He wants to sit and just enjoy the simple, ordinary days. He doesn’t just want to be there only when I am sad.
The thing about friends is about sharing life, not just the bad times. I don’t want to just be the friend you call at 3am to cry about your breakup. I also want to be that friend to share your “I saw a cute guy on the train” and “I am so stuffed because I ate 10 slices of pizza” moments.
But I guess, I am all the more thankful for my awesome friends that pursue me. I’ll continue to count my blessings and nurture those friendships. Thank you for being so awesome.

But I won’t give up on the ones that walk away, I just won’t strive and fight anymore, but place those friendship in God’s hands. If it is meant to be, it will be.
And I’ll hang out with Daddy God more. Pursue Him too, send more time with Him, be like BFFs.

What if all your friends are too busy? What if no-one really cares? What if you really need to share what you feel now? Oh, I guess I’ll just have to talk to God.
Oh? That should not be your last resort. God is not your backup plan, He is the only plan. Maybe His voice isn’t the easiest to hear, because He wants us to seek Him. So that our search is not a matter of convenience, but a choice.
You know He is always going to bail you out. But maybe this once you’d speak to Him first and not get into trouble in the first place?
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What is it about us humans that makes us detest ourselves? Why is it so easy for us to hate ourselves or accept that we are worthless? Why is it so easy for us to be self-destructive? Why is it so easy for us to believe a lie?
It seems so weird when we are lovingly crafted in God’s image by God Himself. It is so strange when the most powerful being in existance would give up His son to die to redeem us, yet we so easily accept that we aren’t worth it. Why?
Anyone has an answer?
